Each of us would have their own criteria or list of requirements for their partner in life. Some people may have very high requirements, and some lower ones. Most likely that as one’s age increases these requirements change as well, perhaps becoming more lenient.
Something interesting I learned recently from a meeting / talk from my church, SIBKL – related to finding a partner. Some background – the pastor was sharing about why it is important to keep abreast about what’s happening in the politics – important for the young adults to pray for the nation, to vote…
One of the things that had a big impact on me was what she said on – do not be unequally yoked, which came from this Bible verse Deuteronomy 22:10 “Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.”
Why? From what she had learned, it’s because the weaker partner would become stressed as he / she tries to cope or come alongside the stronger partner. It’s like an analogy where a strong buffalo yoked (put beside) a weaker cow to plough the land. Similarly, the same situation occurs in humans.
And I thought, in addition to that, the stronger partner would most probably be exasperated, irritated and find it hard to accept why the other partner is like that. Consequently, that would put the relationship under strain, which is bad news for the relationship.
As I went back home, I thought about something I learned when I did my degree in Psychology in Adelaide, Australia. I remember quite vividly a question I asked the tutor, Joseph Gannon during tutorial class for the subject “Personality & Individual Differences”, one of my favorite subjects.
Earlier he shared about his own relationships with his previous girlfriends, where the reason why they broke up was because they were too similar. So I asked him, “Does that mean that a couple that has totally opposite personalities is a better match?” His reply was, “Good question. I get back to you on that…”
So the next week, he said in class that after doing some reading, he found that – research (statistics) shows couples that have more similarities have a higher probability of staying together. This is opposed to more relationships breaking up, ending in divorce for couples that have more differences between each other….
Furthermore, I came across this quote from a Developmental Psychology textbook recently that says – “The Theory of Assortative Mating says that people find partners based on their similarity to each other. It occurs in dimensions of religious beliefs, physical traits, age, socioeconomic status, intelligence, political ideology, etc.” It’s like the saying “Birds of a feather flock together”.
Therefore, this shows that the Bible can be applied to in Psychology & in our everyday lives. Something that I sorta know before – but this is like a very clear link and a clear example. That’s so cool, don’t you think? There is so much wisdom that can be found in the Bible.
On another slightly related topic – another quote from the same textbook that I find very interesting – “Physical attractiveness influences the way people fall in love and is linked to feelings and thoughts associated with love (intimacy, passion, commitment) and satisfaction with the relationship.”
Earlier, one of my friends was saying, “Why are guys so superficial – only attracted to pretty girls?” From a psychological point of view, the answer is – there is an evolutionary advantage as an attractive person has stronger genes. Therefore, as mating occurs, the more superior and disease resistant genes get passed down to the next generations.
Somehow we are just attracted to attractive people (people that have highly symmetrical features). Don’t believe this? Just look at the celebrities – actors, actresses, singers – aren’t they very attractive people?
Back to the similarity topic, physical attractiveness works the same way (at least according to Psychological research and textbooks). This means that people find partners which have the same level of attractiveness as them. For example, an average-looking guy would go after an average-looking girl. Plus the other factor of having a lesser probability of being rejected by the girl, compared a very attractive girl.
Why then do we see old, unattractive men with young, attractive girls? This is because of the effect of another factor – money / wealth / financial security. Women’s top priority is security – a partner that can provide for their needs / their offspring’s needs, while men’s top priority in a partner is physical attractiveness.
For me personally, looks are sorta important, but my conclusion based on the things I learned from the Bible, from Psychology… – compatibility of character is the most important criteria for a life partner. Character includes personality, interests, click factor….. And of course, similarity is important– to be equally yoked. Since God’s ways are higher than ours, I bow to His superior wisdom lar…
What is your conclusion?
