Tree of life

1) Wealth

Money can buy a degree of happiness. But once you can afford to feed, clothe and house yourself, (your basic needs are met) each extra dollar makes less and less difference.

Money buy status, and status makes people feel better. This helps explain why people who can seek status in other ways – scientists or actors, for example – may happily accept relatively poorly paid jobs.

2) Desire

In a research by Michalos (1980), he found that people whose aspirations (for money, friends, family, job, health, etc) which soared furthest beyond what they already had tended to be less happy than those who perceived a smaller gap.

The “aspiration gap” might explain why most people fail to get much happier as their salaries rise. Instead of satisfying our desires, most of us merely want more. The good life remained always just out of reach.

3) Intelligence

Studies indicate that intelligence has no effect on smart people’s happiness.
Some researchers speculate that brighter people could have higher expectations and thus be dissatisfied with anything less than the highest achievements.

It is possible that “social intelligence” could be the real key to happiness.

4) Genetics

Our feeling of well being is believed to be determined partly by what is going on in our lives at that time and 90% is genetically determined.

While our happiness set point is largely determined by our genes, whether we bounce along above it or slump along under it depends on our or our parents’ good sense and good training.

Many studies have shown that extroverts tend to be happier than most people, and a lot happier than introverts. Research has also found that putting people in a good mood makes them more sociable.

5) Beauty

Good-looking people are really happier.
Perhaps the explanation is that life is kinder to the beautiful. Alternatively, the explanation can be that the most attractive faces are highly symmetrical, and there is evidence that symmetry is a reflection of good genes and a healthy immune system. So perhaps beautiful people are happier because they are healthier.

You could cash in on beauty’s emotional high even if you aren’t gorgeous – if you believe that you look great. Unfortunately, studies show that women tend to think they are too fat and men worry about being puny.

6) Friendship

It is hard to imagine a more pitiful existence than life on the streets of Calcutta or in one of its crowded slums, or making a living there as a prostitute. Yet despite the poverty and filth they face, these people are much happier than you might imagine.

A study by Diener found that all three deprived groups got high satisfaction rating in specific areas such as family and friends. Slum dwellers did particularly well, perhaps because they have the social support of extended family in Indian culture.

7) Marriage

A large number of researchers from 42 countries found that married people are consistently happier than singles.

The effect is small, but still asks the questions: does marriage make you happy, or are happy people simply more likely to get married?
Both answers may be true.

Research shows that you can’t get as much benefit from simply cohabiting, perhaps because cohabiting couples lack the deeper security from signing that piece of paper, and hence they are not quite so happy. Studies have shown that insecurity is bad for human beings.

Faith

A large number of studies have found a positive linki between religion and happiness.
Belief in an afterlife can give people meaning and purpose and reduce the feeling of being alone in the world.

The effect of religion can really be seen in times of stress. Religious belief can be a very powerful way of coping with adversity.

Religion also brings social interaction and support. But it seems that giving are better than receiving, as people who provide support to others are better off themselves.

9) Charity

Several studies have found a link between happiness and altruistic (selfless helping) behavior. However it is not clear whether doing good makes you feel good, or whether happy people are more likely to be altruistic.

In a research by Konow, he found that people who shared their money were more likely to show the personality traits of a “self-actualiser” – they were concerned with their own personal growth and improvement.

He thinks that while a single act of generosity did not make his subjects happier, the cumulative effects of being a generous person did.

10) Age

Why are old people happier? Some scientists suggest older people may expect life to be harder and learn to live with it, or they are more realistic about their goals, setting only ones that they know they can achieve.

As time is running out, older people may have learned to focus on highs that make them happy and let go to those that don’t.

Source: Reader’s Digest, July 2004

          In comparing studying overseas in Australia versus studying locally, of course there are advantages – the education system, the experience staying in a place with a different culture… But rather than be too idealistic, it’s good to be practical or realistic – to consider the financial costs as well.   

          If your family can afford it, go ahead. But if u need to take student loans / bank loans and therefore have to pay interest after graduating, do reconsider. Evaluate how much you would earn after graduating & how long it would take for u to pay back the loan? Money is important because u don’t want to be in debt for a long time.

          On the other hand, there are disadvantages as well – not only the culture shock of adapting to another culture, there is the homesickness factor. It’s very normal to feel homesick, that u miss your home, your family and friends & want to return to Malaysia at the end of the 1 year of studying there.

For some of my friends that stayed back in Australia, they do experience times of homesickness especially during holidays like Chinese New Year, where the separation from one’s family is even more strongly felt.

          So how is the Australian education system different? In University of South Australia (UniSA) in Adelaide, where I studied, there are many Student Support Resources – e.g. English support group for students who have a weaker command of English & have difficulty understanding what the lecturer is saying.

The focus of the system is on independent study, where each student does his or her own research / preparation for assignments. Lecturers do help you if you have questions and problems, but you are to the main work yourself. There is very little spoon-feeding as students experience in Malaysia. Even for exams – there is very little tips or none at all, depending on the lecturer.

Of course, you  can have group studies to prepare for exams or even in doing assignments if you want to. For me, my first semester experience was quite hectic – bcos there was 4 assignments (for 4 subjects) – and each requires a minimum of 10 references, which is quite a lot of reading to do. So, I used the smart way – doing assignments in a group – discuss and share resources with other group members when doing individual assignments. Of course, I got permission from my lecturers beforehand.

Luckily or you can also say because of God’s providence, I found very good group members to do assignments with, who could teach me about things I wasn’t that familiar with- especially related to research report format.

This is because I went to Overseas Christian Fellowship (OCF) meetings, join the Magill Prayer Meetings and made friends with 3 other Psychology students who have been there longer. Coincidentally we took some subjects that were the same, and when I asked them whether they wanted to do some assignments in a group, they agreed. So, that was great! I could save time and effort as well…

Why not do group assignment with my friends from TARC who transferred with me from Malaysia? I considered that but all of us would be equally blur on what the lecturer required from us and that would be similar to “the blind leading the blind” – not a wise choice.

Or another option would b e doing the assignment individually. Just that this would be a lot more time-consuming and that would mean a lot less time to experience life staying in Australia. I had quite a good experience – joining activities organized by the University & OCF – such as trips to the McClelland Wildlife Parks (take photos with kangaroos, koala bears…), Morialta Falls (waterfalls), Glenelg beach and other trips with my friends.

One thing I really like about UniSA is they have a buddy system – where an older student takes care and teach the new student how to adapt to studying in the university…. For me, the challenge was mastering the computer system – how to do research, find journals using the database. And having a buddy shortened the time needed to learn that.

Plus having this girl, Zoey as a buddy was invaluable to me – cause I learned more about the Australian lifestyle, culture and history as we exchanged our experiences, opinions and knowledge about our countries.

Another advantage that UniSA offers is a very wide resource database on their computer system and library. Students can access many online journals, journals and reference books (even those from other universities) from the computer pool and library. Students staying near the university area can access the university resource database as well through their computers or laptops.

Plus something I appreciate a lot if their escort service. When it gets dark around 6 or 7pm in the evening, there are security personnel that will drive students back tot heir homes (but within a certain range – around 5 km) from the university. In my first semester, the house where is stayed with some friends was quite far – a 20 minute walk. it was good exercise in the morning. But it may be very hot going back home in the afternoon or cold in the evening. So most of us do make use of this service a lot.

Generally, in comparing a Degree in Psychology with Diploma in Counseling, there is a lot more reading required in Psychology – focus more on theories and research (in assignments) subjects like Research Methods (Statistics subjects) which are a lot harder, while Counseling focus on  more practical skills.

As I think about it, actually reading can be done anywhere – whether locally or overseas – there’s not much difference. But for practical skills – lecturers are quite important and make a difference, because students learn hands-on skills during classes.

Another difference in the lecturers in UniSA give quite a lot of feedback on students’ assignments – whether good or weak areas, which is helpful to the students to improve on their work in the future. that’s why I try to give long feedback to students in TARC when I mark their assignments.

In conclusion, ultimately, learning is a lifelong process. If u have the heart to continue learning, even after graduating – studying either locally or overseas can prepare you to be a good counselor / psychologist. It’s not really your qualifications that influence your future, but you attitude towards your job and people that does. All the best!!

          Each of us would have their own criteria or list of requirements for their partner in life. Some people may have very high requirements, and some lower ones. Most likely that as one’s age increases these requirements change as well, perhaps becoming more lenient. 

          Something interesting I learned recently from a meeting / talk from my church, SIBKL – related to finding a partner. Some background – the pastor was sharing about why it is important to keep abreast about what’s happening in the politics – important for the young adults to pray for the nation, to vote…

One of the things that had a big impact on me was what she said on – do not be unequally yoked, which came from this Bible verse Deuteronomy 22:10 “Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.”

Why? From what she had learned, it’s because the weaker partner would become stressed as he / she tries to cope or come alongside the stronger partner. It’s like an analogy where a strong buffalo yoked (put beside) a weaker cow to plough the land. Similarly, the same situation occurs in humans.

And I thought, in addition to that, the stronger partner would most probably be exasperated, irritated and find it hard to accept why the other partner is like that. Consequently, that would put the relationship under strain, which is bad news for the relationship.

          As I went back home, I thought about something I learned when I did my degree in Psychology in Adelaide, Australia. I remember quite vividly a question I asked the tutor, Joseph Gannon during tutorial class for the subject “Personality & Individual Differences”, one of my favorite subjects.

Earlier he shared about his own relationships with his previous girlfriends, where the reason why they broke up was because they were too similar. So I asked him, “Does that mean that a couple that has totally opposite personalities is a better match?” His reply was, “Good question. I get back to you on that…”

So the next week, he said in class that after doing some reading, he found that – research (statistics) shows couples that have more similarities have a higher probability of staying together. This is opposed to more relationships breaking up, ending in divorce for couples that have more differences between each other….

Furthermore, I came across this quote from a Developmental Psychology textbook recently that says – “The Theory of Assortative Mating says that people find partners based on their similarity to each other. It occurs in dimensions of religious beliefs, physical traits, age, socioeconomic status, intelligence, political ideology, etc.” It’s like the saying “Birds of a feather flock together”.

Therefore, this shows that the Bible can be applied to in Psychology & in our everyday lives. Something that I sorta know before – but this is like a very clear link and a clear example. That’s so cool, don’t you think? There is so much wisdom that can be found in the Bible.

On another slightly related topic – another quote from the same textbook that I find very interesting – “Physical attractiveness influences the way people fall in love and is linked to feelings and thoughts associated with love (intimacy, passion, commitment) and satisfaction with the relationship.”

Earlier, one of my friends was saying, “Why are guys so superficial – only attracted to pretty girls?” From a psychological point of view, the answer is – there is an evolutionary advantage as an attractive person has stronger genes. Therefore, as mating occurs, the more superior and disease resistant genes get passed down to the next generations.

Somehow we are just attracted to attractive people (people that have highly symmetrical features). Don’t believe this? Just look at the celebrities – actors, actresses, singers – aren’t they very attractive people?

Back to the similarity topic, physical attractiveness works the same way (at least according to Psychological research and textbooks). This means that people find partners which have the same level of attractiveness as them. For example, an average-looking guy would go after an average-looking girl. Plus the other factor of having a lesser probability of being rejected by the girl, compared a very attractive girl.

Why then do we see old, unattractive men with young, attractive girls? This is because of the effect of another factor – money / wealth / financial security. Women’s top priority is security – a partner that can provide for their needs / their offspring’s needs, while men’s top priority in a partner is physical attractiveness.

For me personally, looks are sorta important, but my conclusion based on the things I learned from the Bible, from Psychology… – compatibility of character is the most important criteria for a life partner. Character includes personality, interests, click factor….. And of course, similarity is important– to be equally yoked. Since God’s ways are higher than ours, I bow to His superior wisdom lar…

What is your conclusion?

Forgiveness 

A growing number of researchers think that forgiveness – a virtue embraced by almost every religious tradition as a relief for the soul – might be medicine for the body. 

Benefits of forgiveness:

1) Improve cardiovascular function (reduced risk of heart attacks & high blood pressure)

2) Reduce chronic pain

3) Relieve depression

4) Boost quality of life

Findings from researches show that “forgiveness interventions” – a few short sessions where the wounded are guided toward positive feelings for an offender; has the above benefits among the very ill.